I started a new book today and I have to say that I’m really enjoying it. It’s called the Mind Made Prison by Tabatabai. I’m not sure if this author is a male or female and what ethnicity this person is but this is a pretty different kind of self-help book. Well, so far at least, I feel like it gives a lot more new information that I haven’t thought of before which is rare.
Anyway, I’m going to do an exercise that he/she advised. The book says to write down all the areas that I’ve wanted/tried to succeed in and where I always seem to come off short. First of all…honestly I’m not really sure how to go about this at all. What does that mean? Areas? Like what goals I had but failed? I guess that’s the way I’ll interpret it.
And second, I really don’t feel like doing this honestly but I’m going to force myself. And just to give a short blurb of what this book is about…what I think it’s about based on reading the first few chapters is that everything that happens to us is not really composed of choices like we think they are. We always think that we are making choices in everything that we do but everything is actually shaped by our beliefs. That might sound synonymous to choice but this author’s argument is that our beliefs are …just reinforcements of what we wrongfully argue to be true- thus keeping our minds in prison. Ok I don’t think that’s the best explanation of the book so I’d suggest just getting it yourself and trying it out. It’s not expensive either so yea.
So areas that I’ve tried/wanted but failed or come off short. First, I’d say that’s the exact problem. I never really even “try” so I never really make it beyond step #1 because I’m afraid to fail. I realized that I’m a really scared person. I act tough and have a tough exterior but I’m deathly scared of failing in everything and anything so basically I don’t even try or half-ass it.
This certification thing would be a good start. I thought I would try to pursue this IT field because I thought that I had a vague interest in it and that I should try before crossing it off of my list. I tried to study for two months but couldn’t retain any of the info so now I’m quitting. I’m also quitting because I really don’t think that’s what I want to do with my life. But a big part of my mind is telling itself that I’m a pussy and just making excuses to quit. I don’t know.
In college, I studied pre-med and thought of going into psychiatry or some doctorate field. After graduating, I decided that I could never actually make it to med school and thought that I couldn’t see myself treading through endless years of studying subjects I could not understand at all. I told myself I’m not smart enough for it. I reinforced the idea by saying that – I don’t think I’m stupid. I’m smart but not smart enough for that. And I don’t want to be a doctor enough to go through with it.
I wanted to play tennis but never got around to it. Same thing with relearning to play the piano. Same thing with kickboxing – Oh I can always do it later…I don’t feel like it right now..laziness basically. I think what I can take from this book is that…I keep reinforcing the idea that I’m lazy to myself. I keep thinking or defining myself as a lazy person thus I become the lazy person I see myself as.
God this list can go on forever.
So I semi decided that I want to compete in fitness. God I don’t want this to become another one of these stories. Where do I begin? I need money to do it. Fuck. I have to do it. I need to break out of this reinforcement. And this IS something I want to do. Don’t berate yourself. But try to…stop reinforcing these “beliefs” of yourself. Beliefs are just that- beliefs. Not facts. They are opinions shaped by perspective. They’re not REAL. Don’t be held back by these unreal opinions. Use facts. The fact is that you CAN do this physically and mentally. You are capable. Look at yourself – you get yourself to work out every single day. You do it with enjoyment. You actually like this field. You’re so afraid of the unknown because you just don’t know where to start. Please please please…reinforce some more useful beliefs. Maybe start off with – I’m NOT lazy.
200 Words Per Day Project 