Ok this week I really need to get my shit together. I need to start memorizing the certificate stuff. I finished outlining and “reading” the entire textbook but now I have to really print that info into my mind if I’m serious about taking that exam.
It seems like I’m constantly distracted by food, macros, cooking, working out, and the related. It’s become obsessive. I really need to pursue a career in it. At least I’m not obsessed with makeup as much as I used to be.
This week I’m also going to definitely go to that kickboxing place. Tomorrow I’m going to visit the place and try to set up a schedule. No more fucking excuses. I really should have learned to play tennis this summer too. Gah what am I doing? I’m so disappointed in myself. I just let time slip away and don’t go after the things I want for myself. Where is my drive?
Why am I so scared of everything? I’m so scared to try. I’m scared of disappointment and failure. It’s cliche really because who isn’t? Everyone is afraid but what sets us apart from one another is how we use this fear to drive us. And I’m obviously not using it to drive myself in a positive way. Yes it’s good that I know that I’m really passionate about something. Thankfully it’s something besides cosmetics. But I need to channel this obsession in a positive way. I just fuel it to think about how I’m going to spread apart my macros for the day. I need to think bigger. I think on such a small scale it’s ridiculous.
On another note, I’ve been reading a really good book lately. It’s called Night Film by Marisha Pessl. It really reminds me of the Girl WIth the Dragon Tattoo but definitely not as good. Unfortunately I haven’t found a book like it since. But this is a pretty good one. It moves a bit slow though, it’s a long book but it’s a great mystery novel that makes you want to keep going. I’m enjoying it. Speaking of reading, I really don’t like Kindles Recommendations. It always tries to find like..the same exact book that you’re reading..which is a good thing I guess but at the same time, it’s easy to get trapped in the same genre. I like to read a wide array of novels. Best thing to do is to go to the New and Noteworthy section.
But anyways, yes it’s going to be a crucial week. No more fucking around. I really wasted the whole week last week. Didn’t accomplish anything this weekend. Wake up!!!
200 Words Per Day Project 